and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
