Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize