im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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