I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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