So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
