i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
