I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
