I think im going to throw up on grandma
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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