I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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