my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
