But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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