I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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