I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
