my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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