Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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