how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
