that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sext me about skeletons
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize