He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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