where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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