we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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