I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
