Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
