So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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