accomplished twins. life is a go
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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