woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
