I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
