WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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