I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
