Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I cannot find my penis.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
