heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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