does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
