I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
