He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
