just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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