I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
of course. lets lasso hookers.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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