so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
