oh god the rape fog is back!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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