I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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