He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize