Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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