Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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