My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
