and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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