Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
