New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
