But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
vagina is talking i cant
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
