when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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