I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
