Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
