I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
