This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
