in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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