There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
