we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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