I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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