Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
