So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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