There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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