yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
