Ketchup is God's man juice
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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