I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
