So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I still have a little drunk in my system
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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