The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
