Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
