I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
