I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize