she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize