your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
